Traditons

We are into that big countdown just before Christmas... what did I forget? How will I get all of it done? And of course there are those things are not working out as you would have liked...

Looking over my shoulder at my mail, there are many wonderful people who are struggling in various ways. For example, there is a career woman who lives on her own. Strong and independent, she is someone I really admire. She has always traveled several hours to spend Christmas eve with family. But not this year- the weather is too dangerous. Another client has come a long way in bringing control back into her life. She has sorted thru a lot of issues and finally is much more able to breathe deeply and expel fear from her life..... but her end of the year work schedule changed drastically, cutting off a lot of her plans. The time off that she so relishes has been taken away, leaving her feeling spent and fearful. Another person is struggling with someone close to her asking for cash instead of gifts this year. She is known to truly love hunting for just the right presents as an expression of her deep love and caring. The request left her feeling stunned.

The list of cares and concerns that rock people's emotions is as personal and detailed as any of our own situations. All these examples are from people just like you and me. The Holidays bring out something different in people- a deeper kind of emotion that perhaps our busy day-to-day living keeps at bay. While this contributes to the "wonder" of Christmas, at the same time it can leave us feeling surprisingly vulnerable.

Each of the above examples has at its root the richness of tradition. Traditions are the glue that hold together the important values of our life. They are the tapestry that weaves the past - with all that is beautiful and memorable - to the present. Traditions represent and bring to the forefront of our lives our most pure and perfect selves.

When we pause- just pause..... we call forth the part of us that is so good and perfect - our true essence. It is from there that we may still call forth the best of who we are. It is from this place that we can resolve problems that seem beyond our control. And it is from there that we join with the Universal Energy of Love that knows no limits. That is the best tradition of all.

My wish is for you to behold that Energy not only during the Holidays, but from this day forward.
Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

Do You See What I See - more than a Christmas song!

I was enjoying a cup of coffee at a neighbor's house yesterday. As I looked out the window I noticed something I had not really seen before. Even though our homes are right next to one other, the view from her backyard is quite different from my own. There is a beautiful little pine tree that is hidden by some bushes from my perspective. And I realized that she cannot see the pond that is in clear view from my back yard.

As we all go thru life, I wonder how often we don't notice one an other's perspective. Yes, we know up front that there are those with different view points from our own - democrats and republicans, chocolate or vanilla, country, rap, new age, opera, and rock & roll music. You get the picture.

But what I am speaking about runs deeper. The realization and comprehension of not only different but endless perspectives in regard to one an other's daily circumstances opens up a magical door. It can bring us joy, peace, humor and comfort. Failure to realize and understand - to actually comprehend- the other person's perspective is the root of failure, sadness, divorce, despair, and war on levels great and small.

In my first blog I wrote about a very dear friend with a mysterious disease that is robbing her of her eyesight. Recently we spoke about what this is like for her. As she began to tell me that "if you put a patch over one eye and partially blocked the other", I sheepishly confess that I jumped ahead of her in my mind. I figured she was going to describe an experiment we did in college; it was for us to gain the perspective of what it would be like to suddenly go blind. I thought I knew what perspective she was taking.

Talk about getting it wrong! That is not at all where she went. Rather, she went on to explain that from this new viewpoint her other senses are so enhanced that it is as if she has a precious gift! What!? Not about what it is like to fumble around in the dark but how she now hears Christmas carols with a new clarity?

This is just one (positive) example about not realizing another person's perspective. What about those little arguments and disagreements that arise as the issues of the Holiday season are upon us? We all want joy and peace. Those values come to the forefront especially now. The challenge is to realize that each person goes about trying to achieve those values in so many different ways, from different perspectives ... And how we all get wound up when the stress is on.

So next time you are out there driving and someone cuts you off in traffic, or goes too slow or too fast from your perspective, just remember, they too are just trying to get thru their day the best they can. It may be someone speeding and driving carelessly because all they are thinking about is getting to the peacefulness of their home after a lousy day at work. It may be an older person needing to get to the store to buy a present for someone dearly special...but knowing that his senses have dulled, he drives very slowly to keep other people safe. It may be someone daydreaming because their mind is wrapped up in the worry about how they are going to pay the bills. It may be you doing these very things. There is no harm meant to others in all of these and many more examples. We all just forget sometimes that there are many perspectives.

Peace to you as you open that magical door to the realization that there are many perspectives.

Until next time.
Dr. DyAnn

Welcome and thank you for stopping by.
It is that time of the year when most people commonly go thru ups and downs that are more accentuated. For some there may seem to be more "downs". Perhaps losses or changes have occurred, or some problem or issue is just becoming more vexing. If you are fortunate enough to NOT be dealing with something of that sort now, it is still a good practice to "feed your soul". This will assist you in keeping wrapped in a protective layer, warmly snuggled up, against the cold of the outside. By having a ready supply of words that are wise and speak to your heart you are protected against those times that life's circumstances are more challenging.

Below are a variety of inspirational thoughts. My wish is for you to discover which are speaking more directly to you in regard to where you are at in your journey at this time.

You can do or be whatever you want in your life. Nothing can stop you, except your fears. Don't blame anyone else...you have the power to make the decision. Just do it. (Nola Diamantopoulos)

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. (Joan Rivers)

The greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. (Confucius)

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning. (Gloria Steinem)

When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life or in the life of another. (Helen Keller)

Life is change...Growth is optional. Choose wisely. (Karen Laiser Clark)

If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world would be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life. (Rachael Carson)

There is a great man, who makes every man feel small. But the real great man is the man who makes every man feel great. (G.K. Chesterton)

Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for a might-have-been. (Arthur Ransome)

Knowledge is power itself. (Francis Bacon)

Miracles are instantaneous: they cannot be summoned but they come of themselves, usually at unlikely moments and to those who least expect them. (Katherine A. Porter)

Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

Brain Quiz

I thought it might be fun to read a few facts about how your brain operates, and more specifically the differences in how men's vs women's brains work. It might help you get thru the holiday season more easily as you come to understand one another.

Who has more total brain cells- men or women?
Correct answer is ........men. Even when corrected for increased total body weight. It has been estimated that men have about four percent more neurons than women do. However, just so you women don't groan too loudly, it is the women who have a greater number of cellular connections than men. This means that women have greater access to both sides of their brains
So in practical terms which you may find useful, it is the men who are more detail oriented and who get more directly to the point. Women, on the other hand are more fluent, thus women usually have more to say. In my work as a therapist I often would help couples with communication, including explaining that when a man says "so what's the point" he was not trying to insult his female partner, his brain simply operates from that perspective. And that a woman tends to have more of a need to paint things in great detail because they access both sides of the brain, thus giving them more perspective and more to talk about.

Have you ever seen a man do this: he is presented with a problem in finding his way while driving and he turns down the radio . This is an example of how a man's wiring has him preferring to do one task at a time (thus not listening to the car radio and reading a map) in a rather compartmentalized manner. In contrast, a women usually can multi-task (due to those extra connections in the brain.) And a woman knows when they are lost because she has access to the whole brain. Even comedians joke about the man not asking for directions!

Men's and women's brains differ also in the emotional center. In this area, the women have the larger component compared to men. This makes bonding easier for women and in general is why women tend to have more and need more friends and social relationships. It probably is no surprise that the nesting instinct is more pronounced in women and she has a greater need to have her home in order. It is also the women who will feel more off balance if the couple relocates.


Her are some interesting odds and ends about our brains.

Who reads facial expressions better? (women)
Who has a sharper sense of taste and smell (women)
Greater blood pressure reactivity to sexually arousing pictures (men)
Better at solving math problems (men)
Judges speed better (men)
Recognizes when problems are present in a relationship (women)
Tend to be more unreasonably optimistic (men)
Better peripheral vision (women)
More responsive to sex hormones (men)
Do men or women lie more? (men)
Who are the better liars? (women)

I hope you had fun learning about the differences in how the male and female brain works. The information will hopefully assist you in recognizing that the differences in how we think, communicate and present feelings are basically because of how we are wired, and not to be taken personally. In addition, knowing about these differences can help you to understand those of the opposite sex better so that you can have a more rewarding relationship.

Until next time
Dr. DyAnn

All in How We Name It

You may have heard the story of the person who wanted to give away a litter of kittens. Try as he might, there were no takers. On a hunch, he then put up a sign that said "Kittens- $10 each". They sold almost immediately.
The psychology behind this concept is that when the kittens were free they were looked upon as having no value... putting the dollar amount on them convinced people that they had value. Our brains respond to labels more convincingly than what we may realize. The marketing field is well aware of this. Why is one pair of jeans, labeled such and so, "worth" five times more than another pair made exactly the same way of exactly the same material?

A similar idea holds true in regard to what we name a feeling. If we have butterflies in our stomach and tell our self we are "anxious" our mind will take that at face value and we will believe we are anxious and react accordingly. Not a good thing. If however, we were to be in the same situation and label the butterflies as a result of our feeling "eager" or "excited" we would be convinced that this is a good thing. In fact, in interviewing world famous athletes competing for the Olympics, it was asked what they did to calm their nerves.

Can you guess what they answered? They labeled that butterfly in the stomach feeling as energy. And with it being "energy" they could now use it for a competitive edge, rather than having it distract them from their event because they were "nervous".

How do you label the challenges that you face? The way our brains work, our subconscious mind believes what we tell it. Not only that but the subconscious, being the real powerhouse of our mind, will take that label and manifest it many times over. Be kind in how you name your errors as well as your personal attributes. You will believe whatever label you tell yourself and act accordingly. What you believe to be true - is true. Whether it's about kittens, jeans, or your self.

Put some stickers in places that you will often see them: the rear view mirror of your car, on your cell phone, your computer screen, etc. Every time you see that sticker let it remind you to label yourself as valuable and deserving of love.

Because it is true.

Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

Energy Vampires

Today I would like to share with you about energy. Everything is energy. We learn that in grade school. Now we are coming to understand this idea from a level that is simple and yet multi -faceted and even profound. We are essentially composed of energy. We are energy. Therefore, if we want to be empowered it is important to pay attention to what builds our energy as well as what drains us.
Here are some ideas to assist you with your energy; at this time of year in particular we all could use a little more to work with. A good basic idea is to eliminate or reduce that which drains or depletes your energy and to add that to your life which increases your energy.

• If it annoys you, it is actually reducing your energy. It is so helpful to finally take care of those little things that are bothering you. If they are little, they can be easily dealt with. I remember having a loose button on my winter coat for what seemed like forever. So at least twice a day, every day, I had to deal with this loose button! And of course I couldn't deal with it at the time, unless you count praying that I wouldn't lose it! It seems like such a small thing, and you know what, it was. How many "loose button" types of little annoyances do we have in life? If you are like most people, there are plenty!
• Take a few minutes now and list the little annoyances that you are dealing with. There may be some that are unique to the season, such as not having all those addresses you need for your holiday lists all in one place. Others may be relatively new, such as a call you need to make in regard to a bill you have a question about, while yet others have been plaguing you for a long period of time, like that junk drawer/closet/basement that is just taking up valuable space.
• Commit to taking care of the things on your list. It will take a while if your list is long, but remember, this is about giving yourself more energy in the long run. When I first did this exercise my list was easy to make as I knew instinctively, as we all do, exactly those things that were annoying me. Because we are unique, what bothers one person will not be an issue at all for another. We see this a lot with couples, but that is another issue.
• Carve out time in your schedule to work on the items on your list. Maybe Sunday evenings for the "loose button" sorts of items, and a special alloted commitment to the larger, more time involved items like that closet that desperately needs a good cleaning.
• Once you have reached the bottom of the list, give yourself the gift of regularly alloted time to take care of those energy drains so that they never again add up.

I promise you that taking care of these "energy vampires" will empower you in the long run. So often in our desire to improve as individuals we overlook the practical. This sort of work just seems so boring and unfulfilling. But in order to have energy for the more exciting things in our lives it is easier to go this route than some sort of extreme makeover. Besides, we don't need to be made over. We just need to learn to use our wonderful gift of energy, gift of self, more wisely.

Until next time,

DyAnn

Life's Heroes

We all have heroes. Who is yours? Before we can even answer that question it might be a good idea to define what "hero" means to you, personally. Perhaps a hero is someone whom you hold in high esteem, maybe someone you would want to emulate. It can also be interesting to ponder this question, which you may have heard before: if you could spend a couple hours with anyone from history, who would it be. An even more interesting follow up to the question would be discussing why you chose that person. So, honestly, who would it be? If you are like me and you have a bit of a difficult time choosing just one, why not pick a couple of people? After all, thru the eons of time there are so many good candidates. What kind of questions would you ask this person; would it be why he or she did something a partricular way, or would you ask for advice or help with something in your own life? How do you think they would answer your questions? Without knowing it, you may be tapping into your own subconscious wisdom by anwering these questions. If you keep a journal, perhaps this could spark an intersting entry.

While that exercise is fun I would like to suggest something else that may be of interest. Think about the neighbor who may have helped you when you needed someone to keep an eye on your pet while you were away, or shoveled your walk or in some small way assisted you. Recall a co-worker who gave you a shoulder to lean on when the boss came down on you hard, or that friend who is always willing to listen whether your news is fun and exciting or you are having one of those days.... These are the everyday heroes of your life. These are the people who make the real difference not in history itself , but in your own history, the journey that you travel in life. And while it would be amazing to spend time with that famous historic person, these everyday wonderful souls with whom you share your workspace, neighborhood, friendships and relationships, are those who stand tall in life and make all the difference.

Today, why not thank those who have been your true heroes?