Moving from "Stuck" to Empowered

Difficult feelings. We all have them.

We can gain tremendous strength and control over life and our circumstances by harnessing a strength and capability that is right there in our mind. But it takes awareness and practice.

When is the last time that you found yourself in a situation where your feelings were upset? Throughout the day there are many such scenarios. Your boss gives you a hard time, a friend or loved one disappoints you, or life throws a big curve ball.
There is a process that takes place in our daily experiences: first there is the situation, followed by our thoughts in regard to it. Next comes the feeling based on our thoughts. Over a period of time these thoughts can lead to a pattern which then leads to a belief.

If you would like, think of a time you were triggered into feeling upset. It can be a one time occurrence or something that you have been struggling with.

"Gayle" shared with me that she has difficulty with a friend. As she describes it her friend can be very loving and helpful at times, but other times she seems to just "not get it." As Gayle puts it she might share with "Mary" that she is struggling with her boss at work. Somehow Mary seems to interject into the conversation something really cool that her own boss has done (or in other words what a great boss Mary has). Gayle sometimes wonders whether Mary does this on purpose or if she is just that blind to how hurtful it is. "It is like rubbing salt in the wound." She has mentioned this to Mary in the past about different situations but the pattern continues.

Hurt, anger, resentment - all are normal emotions. But we need to know what to do with them. What to do that is HEALTHY.
There is a line from a play that really fits the situation. ( I don't know who to credit it to so if you do please e mail me at d.buechler@yahoo.com .) The essence of it goes something like this: Holding on to anger (or hurt) is like drinking a cup of poison and expecting the other person to die.

Our thoughts become our reality. That is so powerful. If Gayle's thoughts about Mary run along the lines that Mary is inconsiderate and selfish, it will be those thoughts that eventually will destroy the friendship. What we focus on grows. She will be like a heat-seeking missile, just waiting for the next time Mary "proves" that she is selfish and self-centered. This is called "cognitive dissonance". It means that we don't like to have thoughts that are confusing. If we have confusing or conflicting thoughts about someone or something, our brain will work to come up with a bottom line or what is "true". We like things to fit into neat packages- rather like sorting them and fitting them into files or folders. When they don't fit, it forces us to rethink how to make them fit. Maybe put them into a new, different file or folder. This is how we learn and grow.
So if Gayle basically sees Mary as a good friend, every time Mary's behavior seems to prove otherwise, it forces Gayle to re-sort which file the relationship belongs in. The friendship may end if Mary's behaviors don't change. Or Gayle may have to find a way to deal with her own thoughts, creating another folder.

It may be difficult enough to end a friendship - what if your scenario involves a boss, your husband or wife, or a close family member? Not as easy to say it will end! But not tolerable as it now stands either, especially if you've tried all the problem solving techniques available.

Difficult feelings. We all have them. We can gain tremendous control over such circumstances... There is enormous strength in being able to tolerate a difficult feeling.

One of the ways to do this is to practice what is called mindfulness. One way I think of mindfulness is that it is witnessing myself - my thoughts, my feelings... Just like sitting on a river bank and watching them go by like leaves on a stream. Not acting nor reacting, just watching. Seeing it as my own personal experience. Not he said, she said, not what someones agenda might have been. Just breathing, allowing whatever to arise, examining it, going back to breathing..... I pay attention to and honor my emotion, but I don't react to it. I see it for what it is. A passing emotion. I don't deny the truth of what I am feeling.

Two keys: staying with the breathing (a sure sign I am staying mindful vs being reactive) and staying with simply observing, watching, witnessing (vs analyzing or judging).

It takes practice to be mindful, but it brings peace, centeredness and clarity. It breaks the old patterns and feeling stuck or helpless.It resolves the emotion. It opens energy to be used productively. This is one of the ways we can gain strength and harness the power within our own mind. The results are truly amazing.

Until next time,
Blessings to you and yours,
Dr. DyAnn

Change Your Mind ~ Change Your Life!

The benchmark of my work is the Power of the Mind: the power that is readily available to you. Our subconscious mind in limitless in what it can do. There is so much research I have read about this topic, meaning it is soundly scientific. On a more personal note, I have seen some pretty amazing things happen once a person starts to embrace this concept ~ the understanding of the Mind. There are changes I have seen people make in their lives due to this idea alone, when many other attempts to make their life better have failed.

One example is Brooke, a morbidly obese woman who came to me for help with her relationship. She really wasn't looking for help with her weight as she had "tried everything" , only to find herself caught up in the yo-yo weight gain/loss scenario. She was content enough with her weight. But working in health care she knew all the risks involved. We worked with techniques involving "changing her mind" including hypnotherapy, for changing the way her mind was working against her in regard to her weight. The results were truly remarkable!

You see, we program our own minds. We do it every minute, every second of the day. We get caught up in the problems and issues that come our way. We are bombarded by sensory intake ~ what we see, hear, touch etc. And it sets our conscious minds a spinning. For Brooke, every time she saw her image in a mirror or reflected in a window, her mind told her she was fat. And what we tell our self becomes true. In other words, even though Brooke was obese, she unknowingly was creating a life-long self fulfilling prophesy to stay obese. Our subconscious mind "obeys" what our conscious (thinking) mind thinks or says.

Have you ever listened in on what your own mind is saying? This "flowing stream of consciousness" is like a radio station. Stop and ask yourself if you like what it is playing.
Do this often, and you will have a profoundly important key of understanding and changing your life.

I will confess there are times that I get caught up on a channel that I do not like. I may be obsessing about a problem and interestingly enough, while I am on that channel my emotional well being is... frankly, not so well. Focusing on problems and annoyances can leave us feeling emotionally upset. When you ponder this, it only makes sense. Remember, what we focus on grows!

Another person I worked with was "Steve". He felt his life was nearly destroyed; someone very close to him died a horrible death in an unbelievable accident. He was the first one on the accident scene and he could not get the picture of the loved one out of his mind. He was haunted by it. Hearing his story would reduce anyone to tears. We successfully used hypnotherapy and mindful techniques. Today Steve has nothing but wonderful memories of his loved one. He still finds the results, and what he can now do with the power of his mind miraculous.

What we need to learn is how to " switch channels" so to speak. Why would we want to waste our time getting all worked up about this or that, when we can be enjoying peace of mind and being centered. It is that which can give us the assurance that whatever the problem is, it will be taken care of. Why, because our incredible subconscious mind is without limit. It is the place of creative (problem solving) thinking. And I believe it is also the place where our soul meets with the Creative Energy of Love that we call God.

So the next time you find yourself on a channel that is not "music to your ears" change it! You owe it to yourself to feed your mind the information that you want programmed.This is the gateway to reducing the menacing emotions and wasteful thinking that holds us back.

Until next time,
Blessings and love to you and those you love,
Dr. DyAnn

PS. I have just a few openings left for when I will be in Green Bay during my next visit. Please contact me if you are interested d.buechler@yahoo.com