A Holiday Story

This is a holiday story - a true story. And like all true life stories it has both its high points and low points. As you read it I am confident that it will speak to you with whatever messages you are meant to hear.

I first met "Brandon" and his dad "Tim" when Brandon was in big time trouble in college for failing grades and drug use. Tim, a highly successful businessman, was mad as hell and worried sick about him. More than anything he wanted his son to be happy in life and he knew that Brandon was going about it all wrong. In our individual sessions it almost hurt my own heart as I listened to this father who had such obvious love for his son. And I knew that Brandon was not liking dad's tough love approach so things were pretty rough for a while.

Even though it did not seem like it in the midst of the counseling process, I always knew that Brandon would "get it" some day. He had the deep sensitivity of an old soul but he was living the life of a wounded young man who never got beyond some childhood issues including the ugly divorce his parents went thru and his mother's continued bitterness.
We made our way thru the counseling process and Brandon was successfully launched on his life path. I continued to counsel Tim at various junctures in his personal life as time passed but had not heard from him in several years.
Just before Thanksgiving I was delighted to get an e mail from Brandon. Until I read it, that is. His father, who always took excellent care of himself had literally dropped dead at age 59.

Brandon was heart broken. You see, over the years he and his dad had built a wonderful father~son relationship. They enjoyed football games and other "guy stuff" including Tim advising Brandon about finding the right special someone to share his life with. Now in what seemed like a bad dream it was all gone.
There is never, ever a time that is "better" than others to lose someone that you love deeply; but losing someone special during the holidays is especially harsh (whether they die or any other level of loss of a relationship). Memories that would normally be gladly embraced feel empty and haunting. The joy of others becomes an irritation and Christmas, rather than something to be celebrated is something you just want to be over with.
To make matters even worse for Brandon, his family did not draw closer together following Tim's death. He had made the effort of a Thanksgiving get together as some sort of healing family event but was met with tremendous negativity.
When it came to making Christmas plans he shared with me some of the e-mails that were exchanged between his siblings as well as his mother. As a therapist I could see that they were the misplaced feelings of unresolved layers of grief, pain, poor communication and all that would no longer be. But to the eyes and heart of Brandon they were blaming, dismissive, nasty and and among some members just plain hateful! "Happy blanking holidays" as he said. His family had never been close but now he had this additional loss.
It was now a pivotal time in Brandon's healing process. And this is what makes this a special story. Remember that I said I always knew that somehow Brandon would "get it" some day? He sent an e mail to me today and in the subject line it says "I made it"; that is in reference to the celebration of Christmas.
He did join his family for a few hours but he also "visited his dad" at the cemetery. He shared with me that they had a talk. Brandon came to realize that all his dad wanted was for him to be happy. He shares with me in his e mail:
"My happiness is totally dependent on what is inside of me, not what anyone else says and does.... I feel free and happier than I have ever been. Somehow throughout my life I have always received just the right guidance at the right time from that god/goddess in the sky and I know that will continue to be true.... My goal is to be the best person I can possibly be and I really embrace that idea."

I know that Tim is very proud of him.

Blessings and love to you during this holiday season. May your heart open to receive what ever it is that you need. Like Brandon you never know when there is a miracle right around the corner, just waiting for you.
Until next time~
Dr. DyAnn