Difficult feelings. We all have them.
We can gain tremendous strength and control over life and our circumstances by harnessing a strength and capability that is right there in our mind. But it takes awareness and practice.
When is the last time that you found yourself in a situation where your feelings were upset? Throughout the day there are many such scenarios. Your boss gives you a hard time, a friend or loved one disappoints you, or life throws a big curve ball.
There is a process that takes place in our daily experiences: first there is the situation, followed by our thoughts in regard to it. Next comes the feeling based on our thoughts. Over a period of time these thoughts can lead to a pattern which then leads to a belief.
If you would like, think of a time you were triggered into feeling upset. It can be a one time occurrence or something that you have been struggling with.
"Gayle" shared with me that she has difficulty with a friend. As she describes it her friend can be very loving and helpful at times, but other times she seems to just "not get it." As Gayle puts it she might share with "Mary" that she is struggling with her boss at work. Somehow Mary seems to interject into the conversation something really cool that her own boss has done (or in other words what a great boss Mary has). Gayle sometimes wonders whether Mary does this on purpose or if she is just that blind to how hurtful it is. "It is like rubbing salt in the wound." She has mentioned this to Mary in the past about different situations but the pattern continues.
Hurt, anger, resentment - all are normal emotions. But we need to know what to do with them. What to do that is HEALTHY.
There is a line from a play that really fits the situation. ( I don't know who to credit it to so if you do please e mail me at d.buechler@yahoo.com .) The essence of it goes something like this: Holding on to anger (or hurt) is like drinking a cup of poison and expecting the other person to die.
Our thoughts become our reality. That is so powerful. If Gayle's thoughts about Mary run along the lines that Mary is inconsiderate and selfish, it will be those thoughts that eventually will destroy the friendship. What we focus on grows. She will be like a heat-seeking missile, just waiting for the next time Mary "proves" that she is selfish and self-centered. This is called "cognitive dissonance". It means that we don't like to have thoughts that are confusing. If we have confusing or conflicting thoughts about someone or something, our brain will work to come up with a bottom line or what is "true". We like things to fit into neat packages- rather like sorting them and fitting them into files or folders. When they don't fit, it forces us to rethink how to make them fit. Maybe put them into a new, different file or folder. This is how we learn and grow.
So if Gayle basically sees Mary as a good friend, every time Mary's behavior seems to prove otherwise, it forces Gayle to re-sort which file the relationship belongs in. The friendship may end if Mary's behaviors don't change. Or Gayle may have to find a way to deal with her own thoughts, creating another folder.
It may be difficult enough to end a friendship - what if your scenario involves a boss, your husband or wife, or a close family member? Not as easy to say it will end! But not tolerable as it now stands either, especially if you've tried all the problem solving techniques available.
Difficult feelings. We all have them. We can gain tremendous control over such circumstances... There is enormous strength in being able to tolerate a difficult feeling.
One of the ways to do this is to practice what is called mindfulness. One way I think of mindfulness is that it is witnessing myself - my thoughts, my feelings... Just like sitting on a river bank and watching them go by like leaves on a stream. Not acting nor reacting, just watching. Seeing it as my own personal experience. Not he said, she said, not what someones agenda might have been. Just breathing, allowing whatever to arise, examining it, going back to breathing..... I pay attention to and honor my emotion, but I don't react to it. I see it for what it is. A passing emotion. I don't deny the truth of what I am feeling.
Two keys: staying with the breathing (a sure sign I am staying mindful vs being reactive) and staying with simply observing, watching, witnessing (vs analyzing or judging).
It takes practice to be mindful, but it brings peace, centeredness and clarity. It breaks the old patterns and feeling stuck or helpless.It resolves the emotion. It opens energy to be used productively. This is one of the ways we can gain strength and harness the power within our own mind. The results are truly amazing.
Until next time,
Blessings to you and yours,
Dr. DyAnn
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Creating Happiness
As I write my blog I think of you... the people I know, those who have told me that they like hearing from me this way. It is almost as though we are sitting here together. Those thoughts and feelings inspire me as I write. I write also for those who just happen to come across my page. My wish is that by reading this blog you will receive something positive which will assist you with your life journey.
What have the last few weeks been like for you? From the people I have been connected with there is such a variety of scenarios:
Sandy has wrestled in the area of relationships and has lots of people giving her advice, pulling her this way and that. I talked with her about listening to her own inner voice. Who is right/wrong and is she walking into a trap? Julie (all names have been changed for privacy) just shared with me that her summer has been a struggle to regain balance of her brain chemistry... after a doctor gave her medication that pretty much had her, as she said, "talking out of her head"!! Peter and his wife came to the agonizing decision to draw a line in the sand with an emotionally abusive family member. We discussed the backlash that will come from that and the losses Peter and his wife will likely sustain. Is it worth it? Randy was just told that he will no longer be employed come the end of October - we're talking about what he needs in order to stay "clean and sober".
Everyone has a story. Life has its ups and downs and some of the stuff of life can be pretty severe. We all have things we are trying to figure out and deal with. Once we figure the lessons out, we make our life a lot easier. We can breathe easy.
A big lesson is about releasing. When we release those things that make us sad or angry or guilty, we truly do free ourselves.
That lesson is so powerful. But it can be sooooo difficult to grasp!
Our feelings/emotions are pivotal to our well being. I think everyone pretty much knows that when we feel happy our brains release chemicals that help our body to heal and operate in the way it was intended.
On the flip side, when we feel a strong negative emotion (and fail to release it), different, equally powerful chemicals are released and there is a negative impact on our body.....and our life.
An example would be if I persist in being angry about something that has happened and then find myself suffering from a headache. I might think : " Oh great, now on top of all this stuff that is happening, which really pisses me off, I have a dang headache!" But that is not how it works! ( Thankfully!) The headache is NOT an additional negative on my pile of stuff that is happening to me. Rather, it is something that I have created!
That is how the Law of Attraction (and our mind/body) works. If I put anger (or any other emotion) out into the world, I attract more of the same back to me. If I choose to be angry because of this, that or another thing, I will pull more negativity and things that "make" me angry into my life. It can become a vicious cycle.
This is also about how the subconscious mind works. The judgments I make about the events in my life, and how I feel about them are pivotal. Vital. Remember the subconscious is the power house. But it has no ability to judge what I put into it. It will support what I think and tell it no matter what!
I think everyone wants to be happy. But if I tell myself "I will never be happy" (because of someone or something in my life), for example, my subconscious believes and carries out this "order". The subconscious is the creative part of our being. It doesn't so much hear what we want ( I want to be happy) as what we feel and believe. Thus when we let go of negative emotional reactions, thoughts and beliefs, we are free to create the life we truly desire.
This is one of the greatest and most empowering truths about life.
Namaste
Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn
What have the last few weeks been like for you? From the people I have been connected with there is such a variety of scenarios:
Sandy has wrestled in the area of relationships and has lots of people giving her advice, pulling her this way and that. I talked with her about listening to her own inner voice. Who is right/wrong and is she walking into a trap? Julie (all names have been changed for privacy) just shared with me that her summer has been a struggle to regain balance of her brain chemistry... after a doctor gave her medication that pretty much had her, as she said, "talking out of her head"!! Peter and his wife came to the agonizing decision to draw a line in the sand with an emotionally abusive family member. We discussed the backlash that will come from that and the losses Peter and his wife will likely sustain. Is it worth it? Randy was just told that he will no longer be employed come the end of October - we're talking about what he needs in order to stay "clean and sober".
Everyone has a story. Life has its ups and downs and some of the stuff of life can be pretty severe. We all have things we are trying to figure out and deal with. Once we figure the lessons out, we make our life a lot easier. We can breathe easy.
A big lesson is about releasing. When we release those things that make us sad or angry or guilty, we truly do free ourselves.
That lesson is so powerful. But it can be sooooo difficult to grasp!
Our feelings/emotions are pivotal to our well being. I think everyone pretty much knows that when we feel happy our brains release chemicals that help our body to heal and operate in the way it was intended.
On the flip side, when we feel a strong negative emotion (and fail to release it), different, equally powerful chemicals are released and there is a negative impact on our body.....and our life.
An example would be if I persist in being angry about something that has happened and then find myself suffering from a headache. I might think : " Oh great, now on top of all this stuff that is happening, which really pisses me off, I have a dang headache!" But that is not how it works! ( Thankfully!) The headache is NOT an additional negative on my pile of stuff that is happening to me. Rather, it is something that I have created!
That is how the Law of Attraction (and our mind/body) works. If I put anger (or any other emotion) out into the world, I attract more of the same back to me. If I choose to be angry because of this, that or another thing, I will pull more negativity and things that "make" me angry into my life. It can become a vicious cycle.
This is also about how the subconscious mind works. The judgments I make about the events in my life, and how I feel about them are pivotal. Vital. Remember the subconscious is the power house. But it has no ability to judge what I put into it. It will support what I think and tell it no matter what!
I think everyone wants to be happy. But if I tell myself "I will never be happy" (because of someone or something in my life), for example, my subconscious believes and carries out this "order". The subconscious is the creative part of our being. It doesn't so much hear what we want ( I want to be happy) as what we feel and believe. Thus when we let go of negative emotional reactions, thoughts and beliefs, we are free to create the life we truly desire.
This is one of the greatest and most empowering truths about life.
Namaste
Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn
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