Science and Sages

Here we are in the closing hours of 2008. As we prepare for the year ahead, I have a question that is very relevant. And my heartfelt wish is that the answer will prove to be life enhancing for you in 2009.

Do you know what one thing all goals, resolutions, wishes and changing of habits have in common? That one thing, if you are going to be successful, is the power of the subconscious mind. Remember the childhood game "paper/rock/ scissors? The subconscious mind in that game would be ....cannon! It outranks will, determination, conscious thinking, education, wealth, and anything that might be thought of as worldly advantages. It is only by knowing how to properly use the power of your subconscious mind that you can be successful with making the changes in life that you might desire. And the changes that you can make are without limit!

In Christian Scripture it states that "You shall be transformed by the renewal of your mind." Does it get any more clear than that? Every great religion and philosophy from the beginning of time has counseled us about the greatness of our mind.

Science, on the other hand, has taught us about certain laws, rules, and "energy". Einstein is famous for his formulas and breakthroughs. (By the way, Einstein said that the mind is the last great frontier!) In actuality, science and the sages might speak a different language, but they speak of the very same amazing concepts. Concepts that are relevant in our daily life.

What goes on in our minds -thoughts and words- is energy. Energy is power. Every time you think you "can't", the energy/power of that thought (no matter how seemingly trivial) goes out into the Universe and comes back to you. And conversely, every time you think you "can", that energy eventually comes back to you. We truly do create our own life by our thoughts and words. What we believe to be true---is true. This is the essence of what karma is about: everything comes back to us. Not for any thing negative, for we are loved by God/the Universal Energy of Love, but rather so that we can learn about the wonderful power we all have been given. How we use it will determine our future.

My wish for you is to continue to learn about and use the power of your mind and the laws of the Universe in ways that are amazing and wonderful for you; and thus for the world in which we all live. Every thing you do has an impact - every smile, every word, every thought.
You are that powerful!
Namaste
Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

Resolutions

Here we are, nearly at the end of another year. I invite you to sit down with a cup of tea or hot chocolate, and look at how you spent your days during 2008 and what changes you might want to consider making for 2009. I offer to you a list of some of the things that I have learned which help people enjoy life and feel glad to be alive.

Did you take time to give yourself credit? So often, we readily give credit to others but forget about our self. It may be something as seemingly uneventful as getting out of bed and going to work each day. Or taking care of the kids, coping with ups and downs in life, or perhaps dealing with something harsh that occurred during this year. Remember it is not always the outcome, but the intention and effort that really count.

Did you remember to be thankful? When I am having a terrible day and drag myself into bed at night, I find that if I "count my blessings" I fall asleep more easily and wake up feeling as though I have a fresh start. Don't get me wrong - sometimes it is a struggle to even get into the mood to be this gracious, but I am always glad that I do. You will find that the benefit is all yours. Make it a daily habit and I promise you will draw even more blessings into your life.

Did you allow yourself a laugh or two? Someone from back in GB sent me such a funny forward today- it make me literally laugh out loud. I will be sure to count her in my blessings tonight. So, find something on line that will tickle your funny bone... and maybe pass it along to others. I like to collect newspaper cartoons. I keep them in my desk, and every now and then I just pull one of them out. They always make me laugh.

Did you do something nice for someone else today? It doesn't need to be big! Sometimes we don't have the energy- but smiling at a store clerk, saying "God bless you" while you look into the eyes of a co-worker, friend, or stranger who sneezes, can create a startlingly wonderful momentary Soul connection! I am sure you recognize how good it makes you feel when you are on the receiving end, so don't worry about it being something big or fancy. You can be sure it will be appreciated.

Did you do something today that was interesting to you? It may be working on a stamp collection, potting a new plant, studying the starts thru a telescope, or looking up something on line. What counts is that it is interesting to YOU! It stimulates the brain, releases endorphins, and makes you feel glad to be alive.

Did you "feed your Soul"? By this I mean, did you do something today that raised your Consciousness, putting you in touch with your Higher Self, God, the Creative Energy of Love? It is the starting point for a life worth living. To neglect it puts our well being into jeopardy. The way in which to feed your Soul is as varied as each individual: time in Nature, reading Scripture, practicing meditation, reading "Chicken Soup" stories, enjoying the gift of music that lifts our Spirit. Whatever way in which it resonates in the deepest, best part of who you are, spending time in this manner is one of the most vital and profound ways for us to enrich our life.

Did you avoid or remove yourself from negative energy? There is no reason for anyone to feel as though they must spend their precious time with those who drain their energy. Realizing that there are some circumstances that cannot be entirely avoided, please take seriously this idea of "energy". Scientists are beginning to take greater strides in understanding the human energy vortex. It can even be photographed, and these photos clearly show the impact of our emotions and the impact other people and situations have on us. I just returned from a national conference that centered on this topic with the latest cutting edge medical research. Energy, both positive and negative, impacts our health physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You have a natural energy sensing system, and it is important for you to respect and honor it. With practice, you will find that you can trust it and its accuracy even more than your thinking brain. What a gift!

Until next time, love and honor who you are, be the best that you can be each day, and you will have done much to make the world a better place.
Dr. DyAnn

Traditons

We are into that big countdown just before Christmas... what did I forget? How will I get all of it done? And of course there are those things are not working out as you would have liked...

Looking over my shoulder at my mail, there are many wonderful people who are struggling in various ways. For example, there is a career woman who lives on her own. Strong and independent, she is someone I really admire. She has always traveled several hours to spend Christmas eve with family. But not this year- the weather is too dangerous. Another client has come a long way in bringing control back into her life. She has sorted thru a lot of issues and finally is much more able to breathe deeply and expel fear from her life..... but her end of the year work schedule changed drastically, cutting off a lot of her plans. The time off that she so relishes has been taken away, leaving her feeling spent and fearful. Another person is struggling with someone close to her asking for cash instead of gifts this year. She is known to truly love hunting for just the right presents as an expression of her deep love and caring. The request left her feeling stunned.

The list of cares and concerns that rock people's emotions is as personal and detailed as any of our own situations. All these examples are from people just like you and me. The Holidays bring out something different in people- a deeper kind of emotion that perhaps our busy day-to-day living keeps at bay. While this contributes to the "wonder" of Christmas, at the same time it can leave us feeling surprisingly vulnerable.

Each of the above examples has at its root the richness of tradition. Traditions are the glue that hold together the important values of our life. They are the tapestry that weaves the past - with all that is beautiful and memorable - to the present. Traditions represent and bring to the forefront of our lives our most pure and perfect selves.

When we pause- just pause..... we call forth the part of us that is so good and perfect - our true essence. It is from there that we may still call forth the best of who we are. It is from this place that we can resolve problems that seem beyond our control. And it is from there that we join with the Universal Energy of Love that knows no limits. That is the best tradition of all.

My wish is for you to behold that Energy not only during the Holidays, but from this day forward.
Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

Do You See What I See - more than a Christmas song!

I was enjoying a cup of coffee at a neighbor's house yesterday. As I looked out the window I noticed something I had not really seen before. Even though our homes are right next to one other, the view from her backyard is quite different from my own. There is a beautiful little pine tree that is hidden by some bushes from my perspective. And I realized that she cannot see the pond that is in clear view from my back yard.

As we all go thru life, I wonder how often we don't notice one an other's perspective. Yes, we know up front that there are those with different view points from our own - democrats and republicans, chocolate or vanilla, country, rap, new age, opera, and rock & roll music. You get the picture.

But what I am speaking about runs deeper. The realization and comprehension of not only different but endless perspectives in regard to one an other's daily circumstances opens up a magical door. It can bring us joy, peace, humor and comfort. Failure to realize and understand - to actually comprehend- the other person's perspective is the root of failure, sadness, divorce, despair, and war on levels great and small.

In my first blog I wrote about a very dear friend with a mysterious disease that is robbing her of her eyesight. Recently we spoke about what this is like for her. As she began to tell me that "if you put a patch over one eye and partially blocked the other", I sheepishly confess that I jumped ahead of her in my mind. I figured she was going to describe an experiment we did in college; it was for us to gain the perspective of what it would be like to suddenly go blind. I thought I knew what perspective she was taking.

Talk about getting it wrong! That is not at all where she went. Rather, she went on to explain that from this new viewpoint her other senses are so enhanced that it is as if she has a precious gift! What!? Not about what it is like to fumble around in the dark but how she now hears Christmas carols with a new clarity?

This is just one (positive) example about not realizing another person's perspective. What about those little arguments and disagreements that arise as the issues of the Holiday season are upon us? We all want joy and peace. Those values come to the forefront especially now. The challenge is to realize that each person goes about trying to achieve those values in so many different ways, from different perspectives ... And how we all get wound up when the stress is on.

So next time you are out there driving and someone cuts you off in traffic, or goes too slow or too fast from your perspective, just remember, they too are just trying to get thru their day the best they can. It may be someone speeding and driving carelessly because all they are thinking about is getting to the peacefulness of their home after a lousy day at work. It may be an older person needing to get to the store to buy a present for someone dearly special...but knowing that his senses have dulled, he drives very slowly to keep other people safe. It may be someone daydreaming because their mind is wrapped up in the worry about how they are going to pay the bills. It may be you doing these very things. There is no harm meant to others in all of these and many more examples. We all just forget sometimes that there are many perspectives.

Peace to you as you open that magical door to the realization that there are many perspectives.

Until next time.
Dr. DyAnn

Welcome and thank you for stopping by.
It is that time of the year when most people commonly go thru ups and downs that are more accentuated. For some there may seem to be more "downs". Perhaps losses or changes have occurred, or some problem or issue is just becoming more vexing. If you are fortunate enough to NOT be dealing with something of that sort now, it is still a good practice to "feed your soul". This will assist you in keeping wrapped in a protective layer, warmly snuggled up, against the cold of the outside. By having a ready supply of words that are wise and speak to your heart you are protected against those times that life's circumstances are more challenging.

Below are a variety of inspirational thoughts. My wish is for you to discover which are speaking more directly to you in regard to where you are at in your journey at this time.

You can do or be whatever you want in your life. Nothing can stop you, except your fears. Don't blame anyone else...you have the power to make the decision. Just do it. (Nola Diamantopoulos)

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. (Joan Rivers)

The greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. (Confucius)

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning. (Gloria Steinem)

When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life or in the life of another. (Helen Keller)

Life is change...Growth is optional. Choose wisely. (Karen Laiser Clark)

If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world would be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life. (Rachael Carson)

There is a great man, who makes every man feel small. But the real great man is the man who makes every man feel great. (G.K. Chesterton)

Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for a might-have-been. (Arthur Ransome)

Knowledge is power itself. (Francis Bacon)

Miracles are instantaneous: they cannot be summoned but they come of themselves, usually at unlikely moments and to those who least expect them. (Katherine A. Porter)

Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

Brain Quiz

I thought it might be fun to read a few facts about how your brain operates, and more specifically the differences in how men's vs women's brains work. It might help you get thru the holiday season more easily as you come to understand one another.

Who has more total brain cells- men or women?
Correct answer is ........men. Even when corrected for increased total body weight. It has been estimated that men have about four percent more neurons than women do. However, just so you women don't groan too loudly, it is the women who have a greater number of cellular connections than men. This means that women have greater access to both sides of their brains
So in practical terms which you may find useful, it is the men who are more detail oriented and who get more directly to the point. Women, on the other hand are more fluent, thus women usually have more to say. In my work as a therapist I often would help couples with communication, including explaining that when a man says "so what's the point" he was not trying to insult his female partner, his brain simply operates from that perspective. And that a woman tends to have more of a need to paint things in great detail because they access both sides of the brain, thus giving them more perspective and more to talk about.

Have you ever seen a man do this: he is presented with a problem in finding his way while driving and he turns down the radio . This is an example of how a man's wiring has him preferring to do one task at a time (thus not listening to the car radio and reading a map) in a rather compartmentalized manner. In contrast, a women usually can multi-task (due to those extra connections in the brain.) And a woman knows when they are lost because she has access to the whole brain. Even comedians joke about the man not asking for directions!

Men's and women's brains differ also in the emotional center. In this area, the women have the larger component compared to men. This makes bonding easier for women and in general is why women tend to have more and need more friends and social relationships. It probably is no surprise that the nesting instinct is more pronounced in women and she has a greater need to have her home in order. It is also the women who will feel more off balance if the couple relocates.


Her are some interesting odds and ends about our brains.

Who reads facial expressions better? (women)
Who has a sharper sense of taste and smell (women)
Greater blood pressure reactivity to sexually arousing pictures (men)
Better at solving math problems (men)
Judges speed better (men)
Recognizes when problems are present in a relationship (women)
Tend to be more unreasonably optimistic (men)
Better peripheral vision (women)
More responsive to sex hormones (men)
Do men or women lie more? (men)
Who are the better liars? (women)

I hope you had fun learning about the differences in how the male and female brain works. The information will hopefully assist you in recognizing that the differences in how we think, communicate and present feelings are basically because of how we are wired, and not to be taken personally. In addition, knowing about these differences can help you to understand those of the opposite sex better so that you can have a more rewarding relationship.

Until next time
Dr. DyAnn

All in How We Name It

You may have heard the story of the person who wanted to give away a litter of kittens. Try as he might, there were no takers. On a hunch, he then put up a sign that said "Kittens- $10 each". They sold almost immediately.
The psychology behind this concept is that when the kittens were free they were looked upon as having no value... putting the dollar amount on them convinced people that they had value. Our brains respond to labels more convincingly than what we may realize. The marketing field is well aware of this. Why is one pair of jeans, labeled such and so, "worth" five times more than another pair made exactly the same way of exactly the same material?

A similar idea holds true in regard to what we name a feeling. If we have butterflies in our stomach and tell our self we are "anxious" our mind will take that at face value and we will believe we are anxious and react accordingly. Not a good thing. If however, we were to be in the same situation and label the butterflies as a result of our feeling "eager" or "excited" we would be convinced that this is a good thing. In fact, in interviewing world famous athletes competing for the Olympics, it was asked what they did to calm their nerves.

Can you guess what they answered? They labeled that butterfly in the stomach feeling as energy. And with it being "energy" they could now use it for a competitive edge, rather than having it distract them from their event because they were "nervous".

How do you label the challenges that you face? The way our brains work, our subconscious mind believes what we tell it. Not only that but the subconscious, being the real powerhouse of our mind, will take that label and manifest it many times over. Be kind in how you name your errors as well as your personal attributes. You will believe whatever label you tell yourself and act accordingly. What you believe to be true - is true. Whether it's about kittens, jeans, or your self.

Put some stickers in places that you will often see them: the rear view mirror of your car, on your cell phone, your computer screen, etc. Every time you see that sticker let it remind you to label yourself as valuable and deserving of love.

Because it is true.

Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

Energy Vampires

Today I would like to share with you about energy. Everything is energy. We learn that in grade school. Now we are coming to understand this idea from a level that is simple and yet multi -faceted and even profound. We are essentially composed of energy. We are energy. Therefore, if we want to be empowered it is important to pay attention to what builds our energy as well as what drains us.
Here are some ideas to assist you with your energy; at this time of year in particular we all could use a little more to work with. A good basic idea is to eliminate or reduce that which drains or depletes your energy and to add that to your life which increases your energy.

• If it annoys you, it is actually reducing your energy. It is so helpful to finally take care of those little things that are bothering you. If they are little, they can be easily dealt with. I remember having a loose button on my winter coat for what seemed like forever. So at least twice a day, every day, I had to deal with this loose button! And of course I couldn't deal with it at the time, unless you count praying that I wouldn't lose it! It seems like such a small thing, and you know what, it was. How many "loose button" types of little annoyances do we have in life? If you are like most people, there are plenty!
• Take a few minutes now and list the little annoyances that you are dealing with. There may be some that are unique to the season, such as not having all those addresses you need for your holiday lists all in one place. Others may be relatively new, such as a call you need to make in regard to a bill you have a question about, while yet others have been plaguing you for a long period of time, like that junk drawer/closet/basement that is just taking up valuable space.
• Commit to taking care of the things on your list. It will take a while if your list is long, but remember, this is about giving yourself more energy in the long run. When I first did this exercise my list was easy to make as I knew instinctively, as we all do, exactly those things that were annoying me. Because we are unique, what bothers one person will not be an issue at all for another. We see this a lot with couples, but that is another issue.
• Carve out time in your schedule to work on the items on your list. Maybe Sunday evenings for the "loose button" sorts of items, and a special alloted commitment to the larger, more time involved items like that closet that desperately needs a good cleaning.
• Once you have reached the bottom of the list, give yourself the gift of regularly alloted time to take care of those energy drains so that they never again add up.

I promise you that taking care of these "energy vampires" will empower you in the long run. So often in our desire to improve as individuals we overlook the practical. This sort of work just seems so boring and unfulfilling. But in order to have energy for the more exciting things in our lives it is easier to go this route than some sort of extreme makeover. Besides, we don't need to be made over. We just need to learn to use our wonderful gift of energy, gift of self, more wisely.

Until next time,

DyAnn

Life's Heroes

We all have heroes. Who is yours? Before we can even answer that question it might be a good idea to define what "hero" means to you, personally. Perhaps a hero is someone whom you hold in high esteem, maybe someone you would want to emulate. It can also be interesting to ponder this question, which you may have heard before: if you could spend a couple hours with anyone from history, who would it be. An even more interesting follow up to the question would be discussing why you chose that person. So, honestly, who would it be? If you are like me and you have a bit of a difficult time choosing just one, why not pick a couple of people? After all, thru the eons of time there are so many good candidates. What kind of questions would you ask this person; would it be why he or she did something a partricular way, or would you ask for advice or help with something in your own life? How do you think they would answer your questions? Without knowing it, you may be tapping into your own subconscious wisdom by anwering these questions. If you keep a journal, perhaps this could spark an intersting entry.

While that exercise is fun I would like to suggest something else that may be of interest. Think about the neighbor who may have helped you when you needed someone to keep an eye on your pet while you were away, or shoveled your walk or in some small way assisted you. Recall a co-worker who gave you a shoulder to lean on when the boss came down on you hard, or that friend who is always willing to listen whether your news is fun and exciting or you are having one of those days.... These are the everyday heroes of your life. These are the people who make the real difference not in history itself , but in your own history, the journey that you travel in life. And while it would be amazing to spend time with that famous historic person, these everyday wonderful souls with whom you share your workspace, neighborhood, friendships and relationships, are those who stand tall in life and make all the difference.

Today, why not thank those who have been your true heroes?

Forever Friends

My blog is something that you can look forward to as it feeds your soul on a good day and that you can count on to be there for you in case you have a bad day. Who and what feeds our souls? What might we cling to in a world that at times can bring so many challenges and negativity?

Today I want to share something with you that touched my heart. It instantly became one of my favorites as it serves as a reminder of an amazing source of unconditional love: the gift of that deep, soulful connection we have with animals. If you are lucky enough to have animal companions in your life, you are indeed fortunate. If you have an appreciation of the gifts all animals freely share with us, you are indeed wise.

Go to You tube and type in Christian the Lion. The first hit that comes up is from tadmanly and it is 2:28 in length. I want you to get this specific one. The background music is Whitney Houston. Prepare to be deeply touched.
This blog posting is lovingly dedicated to Joshua and Reuben.

Practicing Gratitude

At some point in my life I stumbled into the practice of counting my blessings before tucking myself into bed at night. I don't remember if my first experience doing this came at the end of a day that had been particularly pleasurable and so I wanted to recount the events, or if it was one of those deplorable, awful days when you just want to pull the covers over your head and make it all go away. Either way, I recall casually going over the day's events, looking for life's little pleasures. Without expectation, what ensued was a feeling which is normally experienced during precious rare times in life: the welcoming of a new soul at birth, hearing "he's going to make it", being granted unconditional forgiveness from someone you dearly love but have sorrowfully wounded. The emotion was so intense it was physical and spiritual. I knew I needed to make this experience a night time ritual.

Finding that which we can be thankful for comes easier with daily practice. Granted, there will be those days when there are more obvious treasures, but like playing Scrabble or doing crosswords, we get better with practice. We find that which we may have missed or overlooked with simple, casual or careless observation.

Practicing gratitude will ease us nicely into sleep and I believe it will bring about truly spiritual blessings. Research shows it to lower blood pressure, reduce stress, lower the risk of depression and other mood disorders, bulimia and alcoholism.

In this evenings gratitude ritual I know I shall include thankfulness and rich appreciation for the thoughtful feedback I have received for the writings on this blog and my website. You inspire me!
Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

The Shadow of Loss

During the holiday season, when it seems most everyone is counting their blessings and making preparations for time with family, there are those who are feeling the pain and sadness of a loss. It may be something recent like the issue in the letter (in my advice column) on my web site: buechlertherapy.com ). Perhaps you are missing a parent that has passed on or is no longer who he or she used to be, making the physical family circle a little bit smaller. Or maybe this year the travel plans didn't work out, a precious friend moved away, or there was a job loss. Any of these scenarios can touch our hearts with the throbbing ache of loss that casts its shadow on our life.

From recent personal experience I can testify to the strength of this shadow! My work is as a therapist - thus I have the privilege of entering the soulful world of other human beings. I will share with you that those from whom I have heard the desperate whispers of angst due to loss include a panoramic list: corporate heads who wield power which controls the lives of hundreds of people, all manner of counselors and healers including men of the cloth, attorneys, educators, and rescue workers including police and fire fighters. In other words, those people that we look upon as having strength, position and power. No matter our position and power, we cannot escape that eerie shadow of loss - but how we respond to it is vital. I've witnessed powerful men crumble and the meekest of individuals triumph.

One of my most memorable (and meekest) clients was Leslie. Working as cafeteria staff at a convent, Leslie was quiet and downtrodden. She was referred to me by the county after a suicide attempt when her boyfriend left her (Yes, another woman). She saw herself as worthless and indeed had been treated as such by her family of origin and horribly abusive ex- husband. When they had divorced Leslie raised their six children on her own and with very meager means. Although she was very unsure of herself as a parent and constantly worried about whether she had "damaged" her children, the unconditional love she felt toward them something could literally be felt in the energy in my office.

The shadow of loss of her boyfriend put Leslie into therapy; from there she learned of her true inner self, connection with God in a way she had never realized, and above all the magic of inner worth, regardless of what happened to her on the outside. Her connection to and love for her children was part of the key of her understanding her worth. And it was not connected to what they did or did not do. She left counseling not so much a "changed" woman, but simply one who discovered who she truly is and the insurmountable worth that lies therein. That is how we triumph over the shadow of loss and grief.
Namaste,
Dr DyAnn

Multiple Choice

Have you ever felt like you have a "multiple personality"? You know, one part calm, reserved and understanding, while another side of you wants just a little bit of revenge? Or maybe there are times when your logical self pulls you in one clear cut direction (stay with the job you have) but your heart cries out for something entirely different (I want to work in the arts). It seems like some scenarios lead to feeling like we just crashed into the "I can't win" wall! Which ever route we may choose, part of us feels like we did not get our needs met.

But there is a way out and the secret is to find the way to honor our multiplicity.

I think we are all rather "multiple", but not in the sense of the psychiatric disorder. Our lives, our minds and our needs are multi-faceted. "Sarah", one of my clients, is a classic example of the complicated nature of our inner/multiple selves. Poised and beautiful, Sarah is a highly intelligent, deeply spiritual person whose mantra and guiding force is to live a virtuous life. She and her doting husband give money to charity and she does volunteer work. She creates beautiful pottery, aces her difficult college courses, and carries on an affair with a married man! She just could not seem to break away from this dangerous, unrewarding liaison.

"Pete" is a successful business man with a penchant for family life. His childhood memories are painted in sadness due to the untimely death of his father. He indeed would qualify as being the "lost child". He is a wonderful father, loves to play chess, and attends church regularly. He has been told by his doctor to get his eating habits under control as he is borderline diabetic. Pete just can't resist good bakery. He wants to be around for his kids but his increasingly severe weight problem threatens his health and longevity.

Both people are examples of the rich tapestry of characteristics which compose our individual uniqueness. Pete and Sarah's lives and choices (as well as your own) tend to be more understandable when viewed from the perspective of our multiple needs as human beings. Pete, for example, learned in his therapy that deep in his subconscious he had a treasured memory. When he was just a toddler he and his dad would sit in "daddy's chair" and enjoy dessert together. None of his older siblings got to do this; it was Pete's special time with his father. His insatiable appetite for dessert was a reflection of this subconscious longing to connect with his dad. His need for (resolution about) belonging won out over balance in regard to physical needs.
Guess what was going on with Sarah? Her story is a very interesting one. Adopted as an infant she was doted on and intensely watched over by her anxious parents - the hovering type. She never had the opportunity to just "let loose" in a developmentally normal way. Unknowingly, she was making up for it now, but in a way that threatened not only her marriage but her very sense of self. Her need for adventure overshadowed all her other needs which were abundantly fulfilled.
While the aid of a good therapist can help people to discover why they do things that are counterproductive or even destructive, this blog is about living a better, happier life. It is for every day people like you. While the examples of Pete and Sarah may be considered dramatic, at the heart of the matter they speak of human needs. One of the ways that I see people falter is in failing to firstcontemplate what they need and how that need could be fulfilled in any number of ways. For example, Sarah needed adventure and the chance to do something dangerous. Pete needed the chance to connect more strongly with a father figure.

Someone may feel he needs more recognition and mistakenly narrow his thinking that the only answer is a new job. By realizing that the answer to his longing is not for a new job, but that his longing is for recognition he can save himself a lot of time and unhappiness. He might keep his job and gain recognition in other ways that are more in alignment with what he needs for his deeper sense of self. One of my clients found glorious satisfaction in the "recognition" of a den of cub scouts that he volunteered to help out. His sense of pride was clearly visible whenever he spoke of his work with the scouts.
In other words, if we first carefully examine what our need is, and then look at the multiple ways in which the need might be fulfilled, we give ourselves a multiple number of ways in which we might achieve greater happiness.
Until next time,
Dr. DyAnn

Hidden Treasures

Isn't it wonderful to be uplifted by other people?
But, there are those days and sometimes even those long stretches of time that we can't count on that to occur. Though we greatly appreciate those who are loving and kind to us, we do not want to leave ourselves vulnerable to being needy. Therefore it is imperative to balance our lives so that we know how to uplift ourselves.

One of the most simple and yet profound ways that we can provide ourselves with feelings of self worth is by a technique called the "treasure box". You may have heard of it before or even have made one of your own. Start with a container as simple as a shoe box or as elaborate as what you might find in a gift store. In this box, store the memorabilia that touches your heart: that encouraging note from a friend, a Christmas card from someone who you lost touch with, an e mail forward with a verse that lifted your spirits, pictures which evoke memories of happy times recently and long ago. These are our dearest treasures. They put us back in touch with the knowing that we truly are loved and cared about. If you haven't already started a treasure box I encourage you to do it now.

There is another equally important item which the treasure box must contain. Lovingly place within its confines a special message written to you, from you. Write it as you might address a note to a special friend that you love very much, who perhaps may be hurting and feeling a bit lost and alone. This is a love letter to you. And for many of us, it may be long over due.

Whenever you need to, sift through the treasures that you gather. These contents are more valuable than silver and gold. The science behind their ability to lift your spirits is in that they evoke strong memories and feelings. The subconscious mind does not keep time. It does not know the difference between something that is occurring in the here and now versus something that is richly imagined or remembered. Seventy percent of people are visual and seeing these treasures will directly connect you to the life enhancing feelings you experienced when you first got your treasure. Feeling them with your fingertips will further evoke those memories and transfer you to that magical time.

And while you're at it, why not write something today to someone that you care about, which they can add to their own hidden treasures. You will touch them more deeply than you can know.
Namaste,
Dr. DyAnn

Your "out of the ordinary" experiences

In my work as a therapist I often heard accounts of that which was out of the range of "ordinary" or "normal". As a trained counselor I might be asked to view these experiences as being some sort of disorder; certainly in rare cases that would be accurate. However, in most instances they were anything but that. In fact they were a profound and beautiful sharing of something we cannot label, simply because of their being anything but ordinary.

What "interesting" or out of the ordinary experiences have you had? Remember those "Coincidences" in your life that defy the odds, prayers answered, or even something as simple as thinking about an old friend that you haven't seen in years and suddenly she calls. Have you ever wanted desperately to avoid someone and ended up coming face-to-face with them at a crowded event you thought they would never attend? (Ouch) Or perhaps something more shocking? More and more is being published about NDE (near death experiences) and visits from those who have recently died. What are we to make of such here-to-for unexplainable, out of the ordinary experiences?

Did you know that someone in a coma hears what is occurring around him? Or, that while under anesthetic, the patient has full awareness of what is going on in the operating room, right down to the details of conversations among the staff? When our brainwaves are sufficiently slowed to a relaxing frequency we have total recall of all the experiences we have had since our soul came into existence. Having assisted hundreds of people in achieving this natural state of relaxation I (along with many other researchers) have indisputable evidence that our mind is much more complicated and magnificent than we know. No wonder Einstein called the mind the last great frontier and Scripture promises that we shall be renewed by the transforming of the mind!

Our mind controls us- but we control our minds. Try this little experiment: the next time you are in a pool, lie on your back and float. Then think about turning to the right while you continue to relax and float. Your body will shift to the right. Our minds control our body and we can learn to wisely control our minds in regard to not only our body/health, but our finances, relationships, and all of our hopes and dreams.
It is important to realize that all of our minds are interconnected. That is why you will run into that person you really do not want to see (against all odds) if you are thinking strongly about him. We have much more command over our Universe than we know. The trick is to learn how to take control. I will be writing more about this in future blogs.

Namaste,
Dr. DyAnn

What will you do?

Today I spoke with a friend who was very sad because she could not see the swirl of colors of the autumn leaves this year. Her sadness was compounded by the fact that her friends dismissed her feelings of loss. All she needed was some understanding, someone to say " I get it - sort of." You see, she has always enjoyed fall in NE Wisconsin. And anyone who has had the experience of those breathtaking colors can relate to her former excitement.

My friend is slowly going blind. Her progressive disease had been in remission until this fall. Although her eyesight had been dimmed, she dealt with it well. In fact, she has been a shining example of being thankful for what she has. I often marveled at her response and took it as an example for myself. Those days that I may have been cranky, sad or upset about something on my own journey, I would think of "Lee" and her mounting struggles. Her strength gave me strength.

We all have struggles and challenges. You may be dealing with a difficult relationship, illness, financial difficulties, or even a sense of emptiness that leaves you feeling hollow. One of the most profound sentences I have ever heard is this: treat every heart as though it were breaking.
Today it may not be your heart that feels as though it were breaking or that you just can't endure any more. But, what about the clerk in the grocery store, your next door neighbor, or even someone in your household?

Most people have a difficult time expressing their feelings of vulnerability. We have no way of knowing what they are going through, nor do they know what we might be enduring. So what if we, just for today, could enter the world of that cranky store clerk or nasty neighbor or someone close to us? What if we responded from our own place of integrity and understanding? It might lift them. It might restore their hope. If it doesn't you will still know that you made the world a better place by your positive energy. The only question is how you will handle those choices.

Namaste
DyAnn