The Shadow of Loss

During the holiday season, when it seems most everyone is counting their blessings and making preparations for time with family, there are those who are feeling the pain and sadness of a loss. It may be something recent like the issue in the letter (in my advice column) on my web site: buechlertherapy.com ). Perhaps you are missing a parent that has passed on or is no longer who he or she used to be, making the physical family circle a little bit smaller. Or maybe this year the travel plans didn't work out, a precious friend moved away, or there was a job loss. Any of these scenarios can touch our hearts with the throbbing ache of loss that casts its shadow on our life.

From recent personal experience I can testify to the strength of this shadow! My work is as a therapist - thus I have the privilege of entering the soulful world of other human beings. I will share with you that those from whom I have heard the desperate whispers of angst due to loss include a panoramic list: corporate heads who wield power which controls the lives of hundreds of people, all manner of counselors and healers including men of the cloth, attorneys, educators, and rescue workers including police and fire fighters. In other words, those people that we look upon as having strength, position and power. No matter our position and power, we cannot escape that eerie shadow of loss - but how we respond to it is vital. I've witnessed powerful men crumble and the meekest of individuals triumph.

One of my most memorable (and meekest) clients was Leslie. Working as cafeteria staff at a convent, Leslie was quiet and downtrodden. She was referred to me by the county after a suicide attempt when her boyfriend left her (Yes, another woman). She saw herself as worthless and indeed had been treated as such by her family of origin and horribly abusive ex- husband. When they had divorced Leslie raised their six children on her own and with very meager means. Although she was very unsure of herself as a parent and constantly worried about whether she had "damaged" her children, the unconditional love she felt toward them something could literally be felt in the energy in my office.

The shadow of loss of her boyfriend put Leslie into therapy; from there she learned of her true inner self, connection with God in a way she had never realized, and above all the magic of inner worth, regardless of what happened to her on the outside. Her connection to and love for her children was part of the key of her understanding her worth. And it was not connected to what they did or did not do. She left counseling not so much a "changed" woman, but simply one who discovered who she truly is and the insurmountable worth that lies therein. That is how we triumph over the shadow of loss and grief.
Namaste,
Dr DyAnn