Doug's Secret

Doug came to me as a client some time ago. As soon as I saw him in my waiting room I knew that something was desperately wrong. He looked forlorn and rather pitiful. His deep blue eyes were dull and the dark shadows beneath them communicated many nights robbed of restful sleep. He gave me the impression that he was a quiet, uncomplicated man; I wondered what could have robbed him of his peacefulness. I was soon to find out.

As we settled down and shared a cup of tea, his story unfolded. He had been married for nearly thirty years and his children were enjoying success in life. The light briefly came back into his eyes as he spoke of his family. Doug had recently made a change in direction in his career and expressed happiness with his new calling. I was intrigued as to what it was that made his shoulders sag and his demeanor so dejected that his pain radiated right into my own heart. I sat quietly as his story unfolded.

He shifted in his chair and drew in a deep breath, feeling a bit more comfortable. I knew he was preparing to verbalize what was causing him, this dear man, so much pain. I drew in a deep breath as I silently prayed for wisdom.

Doug had discovered that his wife had been having an affair (which had ended) with a former neighbor and close friend. He had proof positive. As a therapist this was not a new problem for me to deal with. The rate of infidelity is quite high. I have seen the full gamut of human reaction to this discovery: shock and disbelief, rage, sadness, bitterness, disgust, blame, hopelessness and the desire to get even.

He asked me what he should do; I asked him what his overall goal was so that I could get a general idea of where he was at with all of this. His answer stunned me! I had never heard anything remotely like it before. His goal was to handle this in a way that would be spiritually healing for himself and his wife, as well as for the former neighbor.

I felt humbled to be in his presence. Never had I heard anyone respond to this or any other serious emotional challenge in such a manner. You see, he understood that everything we do eventually comes back to us so that we can learn from it. (karma) We must choose our responses carefully because we will find ourselves on the receiving end of what we dish out. Whether we generate hatred, lack of forgiveness, impatience, or joy, positive expectation, love - it comes back to us. When we successfully learn this we have learned one of the great Laws of the Universe. This knowledge was truly Doug's secret.

Blessings and love to you and those you love,
Dr. DyAnn